New Starts ... New Beginnings...
Dear Bloggi,
Lately... alot of things had happened to me ... bad things and sad things and also ... some happy moments... firstly, i though that i met someone that i have searching for all these year ... I really thought that ' I finally Found It'... am i thought that i was happy at first ... even though everythings happen so fast ... so fast that i don even have the time to catch my breath.. and i made a decision that i really now have regrets ... the thought that u have really found the someone that u had really put alot alot of efforts searching for it... is such a wonderful thing at that particular moment ... a feeling that i cant put into words, but after that particular moment everything had change in the instant... in that instant... things started to get weird .. bad ... the feeling is just not right .. even that... i still believe ... that i made the right choices... putting all my heart and soul to treat the one.. telling myself ... to do your best thus that i wont have any regrets .... looking back... I don never regrets my effort that i had put in but regretted that the results as worst far worst that happened before in my life.. My first time putting a whole 100% of my heart and soul to the one .... treating it with whole of love and warmth that i had locked up for so long ... long enough that i didn't feel it existence anymore... In the end... what I recieved back are Lies, Betrayal, Mistreatment, Sad, misery, heartbroken, lost, hate,monetary losses, cold, loneliness, emptiness, angry... thinking every single second in my mind ... what did I do wrongly this time... ? why do this happened to me? .. is it my fault??... why tears are running down even i don want to ..? why my mind is all confused? ... is it really my wrong doing?? or ... is it really not the right one that i am looking for all these years??... why everytime at a point in time that i totally had given up hope in searching, you pop up all of the sudden allowing me to see the small lights that give me the glimpse of having hope all over again... but in the end... u crushed it totally just in one moment .... why ??? .... Do i really doesn't deserve love in my life.. Am i So not worthy of being treated nicely for once in my life... Why everytime all the miserable things all happen in my not even 19 years of my life... ?? ... Am i really be alone in the end no matter what...??? I think Yes.. I will be Alone no matter what happen in the end .... always alone facing all aspects of problems that it left me ... I think now it is time to permanently lock myself back in to the icy cold mountains within me ... and stop searching ,.. stop hoping ... stop all my desire ... and Just be ALONE... really be Alone for the rest of my life... focusing my best in all my dreams in my life career and money that i like the most... and my friends that are true to me ...
i am so sorry to worry all my friends Lately ... do accept my apologies... and I will not do that again ...
In this time at this moment ... i will now stop.. and Hope that this topic and subject with object will now be closed for the rest of my life... you will notice that even i don express it .. doesn't mean i don felt it ... i hope all my friends that read this post will know and undersrand... I love all my friends as always and forever...
alots of love
Lexander Chew
