New Starts ... New Beginnings...

Dear Bloggi,


Lately... alot of things had happened to me ... bad things and sad things and also ... some happy moments... firstly, i though that i met someone that i have searching for all these year ... I really thought that ' I finally Found It'... am i thought that i was happy at first ... even though everythings happen so fast ... so fast that i don even have the time to catch my breath.. and i made a decision that i really now have regrets ... the thought that u have really found the someone that u had really put alot alot of efforts searching for it... is such a wonderful thing at that particular moment ... a feeling that i cant put into words, but after that particular moment everything had change in the instant... in that instant... things started to get weird .. bad ... the feeling is just not right .. even that... i still believe ... that i made the right choices... putting all my heart and soul to treat the one.. telling myself ... to do your best thus that i wont have any regrets .... looking back... I don never regrets my effort that i had put in but regretted that the results as worst far worst that happened before in my life.. My first time putting a whole 100% of my heart and soul to the one .... treating it with whole of love and warmth that i had locked up for so long ... long enough that i didn't feel it existence anymore... In the end... what I recieved back are Lies, Betrayal, Mistreatment, Sad, misery, heartbroken, lost, hate,monetary losses, cold, loneliness, emptiness, angry... thinking every single second in my mind ... what did I do wrongly this time... ? why do this happened to me? .. is it my fault??... why tears are running down even i don want to ..? why my mind is all confused? ... is it really my wrong doing?? or ... is it really not the right one that i am looking for all these years??... why everytime at a point in time that i totally had given up hope in searching, you pop up all of the sudden allowing me to see the small lights that give me the glimpse of having hope all over again... but in the end... u crushed it totally just in one moment .... why ??? .... Do i really doesn't deserve love in my life.. Am i So not worthy of being treated nicely for once in my life... Why everytime all the miserable things all happen in my not even 19 years of my life... ?? ... Am i really be alone in the end no matter what...??? I think Yes.. I will be Alone no matter what happen in the end .... always alone facing all aspects of problems that it left me ... I think now it is time to permanently lock myself back in to the icy cold mountains within me ... and stop searching ,.. stop hoping ... stop all my desire ... and Just be ALONE... really be Alone for the rest of my life... focusing my best in all my dreams in my life career and money that i like the most... and my friends that are true to me ...

i am so sorry to worry all my friends Lately ... do accept my apologies... and I will not do that again ...

In this time at this moment ... i will now stop.. and Hope that this topic and subject with object will now be closed for the rest of my life... you will notice that even i don express it .. doesn't mean i don felt it ... i hope all my friends that read this post will know and undersrand... I love all my friends as always and forever...

alots of love

Lexander Chew

.. Another boring week i guess...

Sandhya's Birthday !!

... Boring ...

Don forget me !! is my pic
(so long alr this pics.. hee)

.. End of the 1st week of my holidays...

Dear Bloggi,


Hmm... Time had Pass by so fast .. haha ... now 1st week of my holidays had ended ... which makes me feel that school is starting soon... and I really don want it to start ... hmm... come to think of it ... this holidays is my last holidays for my 3 years in poly ... as i will have to start my attachment on my next holidays .. and after that i will be preparing to graduate doing my last semester 2.2 already ... Time indeed passes by very very fast ... =( .. I really want to enjoy this holidays and make it memorable some how ... before I finish my poly life... haha ...

Well ... this week ... hmm... nothing much happen actually ... hahaha ... have go for some jobs interviews ... but still doesnt have any news from them ... hmm.... ooh well ... haha... will still continue for jobs hunting ... haha ... wish me luck bah ...

okays ... thats all for this week ...

will be back soon =)

Lots of love

written by
Lexander

.., Year 2 had ended ... Holidays had started !! ..

me and Daniel

.. Last post for 2009 & before 2010 ...

Dear Bloggi,

Time indeed Passes very fast.. As now... we are going to say goodbye to 2009 very soon and welcome the new year 2010 .... so This Post will be my last reflections of 2009...

Lately I had Notice that ... every thing around me are changing including myself... but what i am still searching for all this years still remain the same... but i cant seems to find what i am searching for so long that ... i had totally forgot about it existence ... until ... some how lately... i saw somebody that remind its existence.. but .. until now i still cant find what i'm searching for.. So sad to say... everytime i thought i had found it ... in the end ... its appears to be not the thing i looking for... i totally hate this kind of feeling ... losing all directions out of the sudden... As I always know that heaven will not treat me well and what that appears to be mine .. is not mine at all... So i have to let them go ... i will feel sad but .. this is what always to be happening to me.. for all this years.. I should be getting used to it already ... I lost quite a lot around me ... and gain quite little .. I feel this is so unfair.. but this is my destiny ... I will work hard... to protect My things ... i will not allow any one to take them away.. I sound selfish but ... every one in the whole world is selfish... just that every one in the whole world keep denying that... In this year.. It seems that i faced alot more obstacles than other years.. this year is a tough year for me... I always feel that these will make me stronger ... As i always says ... " Things that belongs to you will remain as yours but those that dont belongs to you will ever not belongs to you " ... thats why .. i always do not force things to be mine.. people say me silly.. why don u fight for what u want... but with all fighting ... happiness will be always lost.. and even if i won... it already lost its purpose...

Thus, I really hope that i can find what that i'm searching for all this years.. I don expect the coming year to be smooth... as i know smooth life don ever step on my side of life.. but I will still work very hard to achieve my dreams and hopes that i wanted... and I am ready to face obstacles that are infront of me .. and will be fighting it through...

and I want all my best friends and friends to know that ... I , Lexander Chew, Love you people so much ... and will keep loving u people ... haha... all of you must stay healthy ...

For every new year, there will be new wishes and hopes and dreams ... i will have mine ... but old wishes and hopes and dreams will always remains... furthermore.. scars and sadness on you will still remains.. even though time will heal it but the pressence will still be there... and it will hurts more with new scars and sadness fell upon you... so we have to stay strong .. and embrace it..

so for a new year... Happy 2010 every one...

Loves

written by
Lexander chew

... Finally !! .. I'm BACK !!

Halloween =)
[me, johnathon,clement]